Thursday, 3 September 2009

Anglish lit

Today an Angus "poem" and a "story", these have been posted elsewhere but as it's my blog I have decided to post them again.

Constructive criticism welcome, but not tooo constructive.


I had a pain the other day
I waited for it to go away
It didn’t so I rang my Surgery
But they showed me no mercy
Five days has now gone by
I think the pain will make me die

At last At last I got a slot
Eight minutes is all I got
I gave the Doc my pains description
But all I got was a prescription
I went away to take my pills
But the pain still made me feel ill

Five more days another slot
Eight more minutes is all I got
He sent me to the A&E
I went with feelings less than glee
I sat for hours feeling sad
Twas Friday night and really bad

The drunks were present in vast numbers
Half were sick and half in slumber
Some were bleeding others swearing
Some were rather overbearing
The police were there as well it seems
They hummed and haahed behind the screens

And after hours and hours of noise and vomit
Which crossed the room like Haleys comet
I just gave up and went back home
I knew the pain had worse to come
I laid in bed and watched the sky
I think the pain will make me die


If you have ever been told that you don’t know FOCKALL, then here is your chance to repudiate the slur.

The Fockall family have a long and rich heritage, and most of the family members have decided to make their careers in the Government and the Medical Profession.

The leader of the family Ino Fockall married a distant cousin, Ido Fockall and they had three children- Igot, a girl, and two boys-Imworth, and Iget.

Ino Fockall eventually became Prime Minister of Fockall Left Land.

Ido Fockall became Minister for Employment.

Igot Fockall, married Ivno Sense, and wishing to keep her maiden name was known as Igot Fockall-Sense, they had three children-Imak, Isay and Irite.

Imak Fockall-Sense became a professor at a Medical University.

Isay Fockall- Sense became Chancellor.

Irite Fockall-Sense became Minister for education.

Igot Fockall-Sense became Secretary of “I.T” for the Health Service.

Imak Fockall-sense married Dim Ataltimes, and was known as Imak Fockall-Sense-Atalltimes. They had one child –Italk.

Italk Fockall-Sense-Ataltimes never married but became very high up in the medical world. And was very close to Isay Fockall-Sense.

The younger son, Iget Fockall married a poor girl, Iav Nowt, who was related to Iwant Fornowt.

Iget and Iav Fockall, now live on a council estate, because they had Fockall. And are considered the black sheep of the family.

They only had one child, a boy, Iluv Fockall, who was gay and went off with Iam Limp and was never heard of again.

The oldest boy Imworth Fockall, married a rich girl-Iwant Fornowt, and they had two children-a boy, Ineed Fockall, and a girl, Igiv Fockall.

Ineed Fockall married Icare Alot, but they were incompatible and divorced after six months.

Imworth Fockall became head if the bank of Fockall Left Land

Igiv Fockall did just that and remained a virgin for life; she became the head of a company that supplies the Fockall Left land Health Service.

In the years that followed, Iget and Iav Fockall won 20 million Focks on the lottery, and moved from Fockall Left land to Upyors Land where they lived happily ever after.

The family have continued in their careers as politicians and have reached the highest status in Fockall Left Land: Prime Minister, Chancellor, Secretary for Health, Secretary for IT and some have chosen other career paths and have become Professors of Medical Universities, Consultants, and “higher ups” in a Large medical Council.

So if someone says to you “You don’t know Fockall” you will be able to put them right.

This the above is purely fiction; there is no connection with anyone living or who has Fockall. If you have a vivid imagination, that’s your fault.


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